Why your bachelor party is going to stink
a tale as old as time…..
you have been dating the same girl from senior year of college. Granted, you played it like a sharp and did not start dating her until the latter half of the year knowing that Rome would fall eventually and “I think it is all out of my system.” But now it is time to grow up and actually start taking her on a dates and treating her like a civilian.
flash forward 4 years.
It is time to pop the question. Her redneck dad from Montgomery wont stop texting you random racist memes and then following it up with “so when is the big day coming?” On top of that, you are at the age where it would be doing her a great disservice for wasting her time if you don’t follow through with it. Congrats you now have a fiancé and in a matter of 10 minutes you get a text from cocaine Kyle saying, “where we going bro? I heard Austin is epic.”
Everyone is amped up about there boy getting married because the Boys are going to throw a sick bachelor party and it is going to literally be a movie.
Wrong.
Your bachelor party is going to suck ass and here are the reasons why:
- No planning
- everyone thought “we don’t need to make any plans, lets just grab an airbnb and free ball it”. That will turn into 13 dudes strolling down Bourbon Street for 2 days straight and then losing $900 at Harrahs. You will then be tilted and try to make up for it by getting after it at Tropical Isle only to realize you have no money, no ladies, and no future. Sick Grateful dead shirt though bro…
2. You invited cocaine Kyle
- Kyle is a nice enough dude but he literally only wants to do cheese and show you videos of barstool sports. He is your high school buddy and all of your college friends hate him.
“Bro check out this video of Dave Portnoy. He is such a legend”
Shut up Kyle and please quit playing Levels by Avicii.
3. You realize you are about to have to live with another human forever
- The high wears off Saturday around 4pm and the thought hits you “I cannot believe I have to act like I love a human 24/7 for the rest of eternity.”
But hey, at least that lake house on Lake Martin will be part yours now…….
-F.S.
