A Mid-20s Aged July 4th Recap
We have all been there….
A holiday is right around the corner and the streets are buzzin with joy. Whether it be Christmas (go with Christ), Thanksgiving, or any given solid holiday, the older you get, the more you truly enjoy these weeks. It is not inherently the holiday itself you enjoy, it is the days off of work and the hall pass you are given to be a degenerate scum bag. It is the 2–3 days you are hoping to get to spend with old buddies talkin’ shop in one of their shitty basements about how Hinge has been poppin off and that you know for certain our freedom of speech is being infringed on because Joe Rogan said so.
You are almost there and then you get the call….. the call from your parents, wife, or girlfriend either A) guilting you for not coming home for the holiday or B) reminding you of all of the events and things you have to be present for during the holiday. Everything is ruined and now you are back to the baseline of being a sad, slightly over weight, average human who knows the holiday(s) aren't really going to be that great.
Not July 4th.
Nope, July 4th is like Mel Gibson. It is loud, free, and Patriotic.. all under the guise of just having a lot of passion (of the christ).
Point being, everyone from your wife to your parents are all on the same page in knowing that you should not expect anything from anyone on July 4th. It is fun, it is wild, it is free.
Below, I take a stab at how (Probably) your July 4th weekend went:
Friday, July 2nd. 3:30pm:
everyone in corporate America does the ole song and dance and bails from work around this time, even though no one has actually done any work of substance the whole day.
You went out on Thursday night knowing the above sentiment is true thinking “aint gonna be a hard workday tomorrow. lets have a few”.
Energy is high and you just posted in the GroupMe “Boys, boys, boys…. lets have a weekend”.
Friday, July 2nd. 9:30pm:
5 hours have passed by and you have probably had no less than 11 Miller Lites.
Cocaine Kyle showed up a few hours ago exclaiming “God damn this is a good batch. These Miller boys are going down easy.”
You still do not know why you hang out with him, but he does have a good playlist going. Taylor Swift remixes have been hitting differently tonight. Life is good.
Saturday, July 3rd. 9:00am:
Fear hits as you arise to Acid Reflux. You start to wonder just how in the hell you are expected to do this for 3 more days in a row. You do not want to admit to your roommates that “maybe we take her easy today” in light of what tomorrow will eventually bring. You also realize you sent a snap video of you and your boy “Brother Luke” chugging beers to the 2–3 girls you are trying to inquire with. Life is not good. Or so it seems….
Saturday, July 3rd. 1:00pm:
Tee time was at 12:30pm. The whole four-some actually made it on time, even the roommate who was up until 3am playing “make-out” with the new girl. She went to Texas A&M and “isn't like other girls. I am not that easy”.
It is okay though because best friend #1 brought a handle of vodka to make transfusions with. Everybody’s moods suddenly go from zero to hero.
Texas A&M girl might even get a good snap of a very normal, un-special golf course that says, “bad day to be a golf ball”. Life is good again.
Saturday, July 3rd. 7:00pm:
You are for some reason grilling out tonight even though tomorrow will be an all day grill fest.
You have spent way too much money on red meat and beer but will never be the first one to venmo request for a grill out. You will die by guillotine before you ask your boys for money when it comes to beers and burgers.
All your buddies wives/girlfriends are over and are asking how your dating life is going. “pretty good actually” you say as you close the grill. Even though you have gotten laid twice in 3 months and the last girl you took on a date made you want to blow your brains out. Life is average, again.
Sunday, July 4th. 10:00am:
gameday. Your married friend is having dozens of people over to enjoy the freedom that is America.
You stayed up until 4am doing the devils dance and explaining to the girl you slept with that “Blockchain is here to stay due to the visibility it provides”. This girl is a nurse and has no idea what the fuck you are talking about. She somehow still ends up sleeping with you.
Anyways… I digress…. it is gameday and you need to pull your shit together and figure out what you are bringing to the party. 24 bud lights and garlic bread it is…..
Sunday, July 4th. 9:00pm:
The July 4th day party has been a success. Everyone seemed to have fun and people even pretended to like the weird Slip-in-Slide water accessory Whiskey Wendy brought over. It was actually really annoying because it kept on freaking out the two dogs, but Wendy is a good girl.
Anyways, just as you think the weekend is finally going to come to a close, Firecracker Fred walks out with a bunch of cheap, annoying fireworks. He then proceeds to shoot them off in a nice neighborhood where everyone went to J.H. Ranch or Moondance.
Needless to say, no one is pleased and Fred has ended July 4th weekend on a sour note.
Monday, July 5th. 8:00am:
You have no idea where roommates dog is and realize you didn't pay your car payment last week. You take 17 tums. Life is average again.
Cheers,
F.S
